Free Agency Flustercluck – Cleveland Edition

Seeing as the 2015 NFL draft gets underway at 8:00 PM eastern time tonight, it seems appropriate to take a look at the 2015 Cleveland Browns free agency season.  After the draft, the preseason is just a few training camps away, so let’s take this time to reflect.

I made a post about Free Agency throughout the league here.  Want more detail on everything brown and orange?  Ok:


Josh McCown is old…

…and not good. He was awful in 2014 in Tampa Bay even though he had Chris Evans to throw to. How much worse is he going to look in Cleveland when he’s rollin up to the line of scrimmage with Dwane Bowe and Brian Heartline? I can barely contain my excitiement for the WR corps. (NOT!), but more about that below.

Jhonny Foot

There have been some important developments in Jhonny’s stint in rehab. ESPN thought it prudent to let all of its subscribers know that Jhonny got out of rehab over the Easter weekend in order to attend a family golf outing. What kind of circus act is this? Every time the Jhonny throws up the money signs, Sports Center has to report on it. Do I think he’s going to make an elite QB in the NFL? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I do find it laughable that there was a rumor recently that the Brownies were going to find a way to fangangle a trade with the Eagles involving Jhonny Rehab, Sam Bradford, and a draft pick. Who the mother trucker would want to trade FOR Jhonny? I can’t imagine even the likes of a used car salsemen would take a waiver on that guy.

I’m not talking to you Josh Gordan, more to the likes of Chipper Kelly.


-No news is good news


Dwane Bowe

(or would you rather call him Dwane No? As in no touchdowns in 2014) How many aging receivers don’t know how to run their mouth? D-No is just another in a long line of washed up scrubs who don’t know how to hang it up. He talks the talk of a #1 prospect, but he doens’t offer much more than the swagger of a college kid. Unable to connect for even 1 score on the KC offense with the Walrus at the healm, but thinks he’s going to do better with a burn-out and a never-has-been hurling the rock. PAA-lease.

Brian Heartline

how do you like beeing the supporting cast? It’s going to happen again, just that the opposing D will be able to key in on you a bit more considering there are no real receiving threats on the field.

Josh Gordan

Let’s play fantasy car salesmen for the 2nd year in a row. Josh is going #1!!


LOL, is this really Jordan Cameron?

How can I even write this section? Are there even any TEs rostered on the Cleveland Browns team right now?

Jordan Cameron (or is it Cameron Jordan?)

He gave this city the slip and took his talents to south beach. It’s been nice knowin ya as long as you were on the field. When the news came down that you were Southbound, I had some hope for a TE swap in order to bring Charles Clay to the Edgewater, but to no avail.
Seattle did what it needed to do in order to bring in the big TE prize of Jimmy Graham. Off the top of my head I know that these guys have made a move:

  • Jimmy Graham
  • Orange Julius
  • Jordan Cameron
  • Charles Clay
  • Jason Channdler
  • Owen Daniels

So wtffff are the Browns org waiting for? Jim Dray?? That’s what we’re putting on the field now. How do you have jobs? How hard is it to spend free agency money?

D / ST

-The most boring of football positions. I don’t care about talking about the D really. We lost Buster Skryne. Early in his career I might have called him Busted Coverage. Lately he aight.

When other organizations see the Browns win 7 games in a season, they just buy the parts that were working in order to bolster their own lineup. The Cleveland Browns are more like a developmental league for the NFL.  Send em to the D league for a while like NBA ballas.  Pick up they option in a few years if they prove they can play….


This post originally contained a fairly brutal RANT about the Brownies.  I decided to omit said rant.  If you’d like to see it in all it’s glory, let me know in the comments below.  I might just so happen to unleash the beast based on the outcome of the draft tonight.  Happy ranting!

So, instead of ranting, I’ll be talking about Marcus Mariota for the next few weeks (probably).

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